Maybe You Shouldn't Move On...

I remember being in college from 1999-2005 at Xavier University in New Orleans, Louisiana. I was a pharmacy major which is the reason I spent 6 years in school. I did two years of pre-pharmacy classes and 4 years of pharmacy school. What made me gravitate towards pharmacy was the built-in roadmap that was laid out for me. All I had to do was follow the map and it would lead me to my destination of being a pharmacist.

So, imagine how surprised I was the day I walked into my guidance counselor’s office and found out that I was one class short from being able to apply for pharmacy school. I should also inform you that it was the end of the semester, and I was already packing up to go home for summer break.

“Say what now!” I replied, as I began to look for a paper bag to breathe into. My heart was racing, and I had to tell myself to breathe. I took school very seriously, so I was confused as to how I allowed that to happen. I thought I had followed the program pre-requisites to a tee, but somehow, I missed an important class that was needed for me to get into pharmacy school the next semester.

I did not know what to do, I had never been to summer school. Summer was my favorite time of the year. Summer meant going home to see my family and friends, it meant beach vacations, and time to binge out on television shows and my momma’s home cooked meals. I was so stressed out about having to possibly stay in New Orleans for summer school. But I was even more stressed out about possibly not being able to get into pharmacy school.

To make a long story short- after praying and seeking other options I was able to find a school in my hometown of Mobile, Alabama that offered the chemistry course I was missing. And the school was right down the street from my momma’s house. It was the perfect solution. I could still go home, take the Chemistry class, and still get into pharmacy school in the Spring. Talk about feeling relieved.

I cannot tell you how many other times God came through for me during my college days.

Those were some long days and nights.  I wouldn’t want to go back, but I must admit that it was comforting to know that my path was laid out for me.

I sometimes wish my life was carefully laid out for me in the same way, to where I could pick my destination and just follow a set of preselected steps that would lead to the place of my choosing.

Do you ever feel this way?

If so, I have a little bit of inside information that I want to share with you.

Last year it hit me one day that life is just like college. The reason so many people aren’t graduating and reaching their destination is because they are missing pertinent “lessons” that they need to learn/master before they can move on to the next phase of their life. However, unlike in college, there are no guidance counselors telling them that they can’t move on without meeting certain criteria. So, instead they keep trying to move on to the next thing and wondering why they keep getting nowhere.

It is because life also has pre-requisites.

If you want to get to what God has for you, your inheritance, there are some practical things you must do. For the sake of time, I am going to tell you exactly what those things are in the next blog post.

I can’t wait to tell you more but until then I want to leave you with this thought… maybe you shouldn’t move on just yet.

That’s the secret most people don’t realize. But we will talk more about this soon.

Until next time,

 Tiffany

I Couldn't Stop Thinking about This...

Hey Friend,

This week we are hearing a lot of conversations around the topic of mental health after the unfortunate passing of Cheslie Kryst, former Miss USA 2019. At the age of 30 this beautiful and accomplished woman jumped to her death.

My heart rips into a million pieces every time I hear a story like this, and I think it’s normal to want to learn as much as we can about what the person may have been going through moments before deciding to end it all.

I remember a similar story a few years ago where another young and accomplished woman decided to end her life as well. One peek into both of these women’s lives (from the outside looking in) and one would think they had it all. They were both successful career women traveling the world with so much to look forward to. But as we all know, mental illness does not discriminate.

When I heard about the young woman who committed suicide a few years ago I started reading through her blog posts and came across her suicide note, and one sentence she wrote gripped my heart for days, leaving me in a state of melancholy.

She wrote, “I have accepted hope is nothing more than delayed disappointment, and I am just plain old-fashion tired of feeling tired.”

Man, I felt that in a way that shook me. At that time, I had been praying and asking God for something specific for a very long time and my heart was sick from the many years of unanswered prayers.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12.

When I hear these stories, I get angry. I get angry at the enemy of our soul whose only job is to steal, kill, and destroy. And because I am fully aware of this, I know the enemy is always behind the evil we see in this world.

That’s why I am so adamant about us all operating in our individual assignments and being able to be used by God because there are so many people who are hurting. I find that so many people are out of position and out of alignment with where the Lord needs them to be and that’s when anxiety, depression, and frustration kicks in.

Perhaps you may be hurting right now. You may feel lost about where you are currently in life. You may long for something so much that at times it may be hard to hold on. The enemy gets us in our longings and desires. Whether that be a longing for (more) success, fame, significance, being married, having a baby, or being seen, if you have a craving that is not being satisfied you may also start to believe that hope is nothing more than delayed disappointment.

In that moment when I started rolling that statement around in my head and pondering over it, these words came back to my memory … And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

In that moment I had to make a choice as to what words I was going to believe because if we are honest, sometimes it’s easier to believe the lies of the enemy as opposed to God’s words because the evidence of the unfulfilled longing is staring us right in the face.

I don’t ever want to be insensitive and imply that mental health is not real-because it most certainly is. (I wrote a book detailing my gruesome decade long battle with anxiety). So, I know how real the struggle is. I know people are looking for answers and there are so many tools out there. But in addition to the tools like such as therapy, I want to also encourage you to lean heavily upon the word of God too.

If I had not known the word of God and had not tucked that scripture away in my heart not even knowing it was there, I may have continued to believe the lie of the enemy and nothing good would have resulted from that.

Friend, I want you to know that you are not alone in your battle to hold onto hope. I want you to know that your hope won’t lead to disappointment.

Here’s what I want you to do. Write out all the negative thoughts you think on a regular basis and find scriptures to memorize to combat those thoughts. And don’t hesitate to find a therapist that can come alongside you and help you process what you’re feeling.

You are needed in this world and you are loved. I pray this life brings you everything you long for and I pray you can hold on a little while longer because it will get better.

Here for you always,

Tiffany

A few more things/helpful resources:

P.S. If you are a career woman, successful in a soul-crushing career and you want to transition into your spirit-led calling I launched a new program a few months ago called, Sacred Side Hustle, for women desiring to make an income while making an impact. If you fall in this category, you can click here to learn more and to apply for the program.

P.S.S. My book Peace Stealers is still getting rave reviews. If you struggle with anxiety and you want to have more peace, this book will help you to do just that. It tackles 21 areas that steal your peace and contributes to anxiety. Click here to purchase. Also, if you have read the book, I would be so grateful if you left a review on amazon. It will help more people to know about the book and sharing is caring :)).

P.S.S. Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram and join me every other Tuesday, starting January 11th, for Tuesdays with Tiffany.

P.S.S.S. You are amazing, and you are doing an amazing job. Don't you forget it!

Well, This is Embarrassing, but I'm Sharing Anyway...

I was in an improv class years ago during my days of pursuing acting and it was my turn to get up in front of the class and await my scene instructions. I nervously stood up taking the smallest steps possible to prolong the time, but within a few quick strides I was standing in front of the class with all eyes on me. With all the training and classes I had taken over the years, I never felt confident in my acting abilities. I always felt like I needed more training, more practice, and more confidence before I could go for the big roles I desired.

Once I was in front of the class, my acting teacher gave me my scene on the spot.

I wish I could say I immediately started acting out the scene, but that is not what happened.

Instead, I froze.

But wait until I tell you what my instructions were.

My instructions were to act out my morning routine.

SOMETHING I DID EVERYDAY, and I froze.

Pretty embarrassing, huh? I imagine my teacher must have seen the question marks and invisible wheels turning in my head, because she began to help a sister out.

She simply asked, “Tiffany what is the first thing you do in the morning?” As she went on to say, “Don’t overcomplicate it.” This simple question/statement allowed me to stop over thinking the entire process and it allowed me to focus on just the first step.

But then I did it again.

I thought to myself, I brush my teeth as soon as I get up. But then I got stuck again and did not know where to start. Once again, the teacher came to my rescue, saying, “what is the first thing you do in the morning?” Brush my teeth I replied. “Okay then what is the first step to brushing your teeth?”

Then it clicked.

I immediately started to act out the scene…I turned on the imaginary faucet. I grabbed my toothbrush. I got my toothpaste out of the invisible drawer and put the toothpaste on the toothbrush. I rinsed the toothbrush under the water briefly and then proceeded to brush my teeth. I then grabbed my face towel and ran it under the water, wrung out the excess water and began to wash my face.

Everything became easier and started to flow once I got started.

You may be thinking, why was that so hard? And I would have thought the same thing if I had been the one in the audience as opposed to being the one with all eyes on me.

But what I noticed is that the same feeling of “not knowing where to start” followed me into my life coaching business. It began to show up as self-sabotage and perfectionism giving me an excuse to stay stuck instead of figuring it out. It gave me an excuse to not do anything if I could not do it perfectly, because after all people were watching. However, the real culprit behind all of this was FEAR.

Can you relate to this?

Anyone who is brave enough to go after their dreams and get out of their comfort zone will feel this at times, but it is not an excuse to stay frozen.

In this example I was given instructions by my acting teacher and still was not sure what to do. So, imagine what would have happened if I would have had to produce my own scene on the spot. I believe this would have been even harder to do.

And this is what I find so many people are doing wrong. They are trying to figure out the scenes of their life on their own without any instructions. And they are stuck.

This is like getting hired for a principal role on a movie, only to go on set and toss the script to the side and decide to produce your own script. That would not work, would it?

This is what so many people do every day and they wonder why purpose seems to elude them.

Friend, if you are feeling stuck and are not sure of your purpose, the first thing you should do is pause and ask the “instructor” for help. God is the only one who can give you the instructions and the steps you need to take. He will help you figure out what to do and where to start if you ask.

Jeremiah 33:3 says, Call to me and I will answer you, and tell you [and even show you] great and mighty things, [things which have been confined and hidden], which you do not know and understand and cannot distinguish.

This is one of my favorite verses that I recite whenever I am feeling overwhelmed and stuck with what to do next.

Friend, as you begin to write your vision and make it plain this year, make sure you wait for your instructions as you call out to the Lord, for He will surely answer. And when He does… do not overthink it. Do not overcomplicate it. Simply take the first step and the rest of the steps will begin to flow.

Until next time,

 Tiffany

Next Steps for the Oh So You Culture Community

• I will be talking more about vision and purpose on the next Tuesdays with Tiffany happening this coming Tuesday, January 25th 8am EST. Please do not miss this. It’s going to be powerful. To join simply follow me on Instagram at www.instagram.com/ohsoyoucoaching and save the date and time.

• If you missed the very first, Tuesdays with Tiffany, you can check it out here: I revealed my word for 2022 and explained how embodying this word will change the trajectory of your life in 2022. If you are serious about changing your financial future check it out.

• My, Sacred Side Hustle Signature Program, is open and now accepting applications. This program is for professional career women who are working in soul crushing careers and are desiring to shift into their spirit led calling. You can apply here.

• P.S.S. My book Peace Stealers is still getting rave reviews. If you struggle with anxiety and you want to have more peace, this book will help you to do just that. It tackles 21 areas that steal your peace and contributes to anxiety. Click here to purchase. Also, if you have read the book, I would be so grateful if you left a review on amazon. It will help more people to know about the book and sharing is caring :)). 

Are Your Thoughts Working for or Against You? (Video + Blog)

Hey friend,

There’s a popular quote by Henry Ford that says, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.” As with most popular quotes, when I hear them, I immediately think of the bible verse that correlates with the quote. This is because no matter how much the world wants to think it is original, nothing is new under the sun. Meaning most of the sought-after thought leaders are really just taking pieces from the Bible, whether they realize it or not.

This Henry Ford quote is merely a variation of the scripture found in Proverbs 23:7 that says, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”

Both the quote and the scripture are correct. Whatever you think is what you are. But it doesn’t just stop there. You see, your thoughts are just one component of a powerful trio, and I guarantee you, if you begin to activate all three components of this trio, your life will shift.

Friend, I didn’t say your life may shift; I said your life will shift if you become diligent about getting these three areas in alignment with the word of God.

Those three areas are:

• Your thoughts

• Your heart

• Your words

 The scripture says as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. However, the heart does not have the capability to think; only the mind can think, which means that your thoughts and your heart are connected. That’s why the Bible says (paraphrasing) above anything else you set out to do, guard your heart because it determines the course of your life.

That means no matter how much you pray, no matter how much you fast, and no matter what type of affirmations you speak over your life, none of that will matter if you don’t guard your heart against the contamination coming to disrupt God’s plan for your life. This is because whatever is going on in your mind is a direct reflection of what is going on in your heart, and eventually, what is going on in your heart will begin to come out through your words.

For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. Luke 6:45. And that’s it…once you speak curses over your life; your life obeys what you say. You shape your future by the words you speak.

That’s why the enemy works so hard to get us to thinking crazy, fearful thoughts by using circumstances from the past because he knows that if he can get your thoughts and your heart messed up, your words will follow, and his work is done.

To be frank, friend, I’m tired of his rusty bald-headed tail, trying the same ole tried and true tactics to keep us from reaching our purpose. I say no more. Getting this revelation of how this trio can either make or break my life has been instrumental in me moving the needle forward instead of always feeling like I’m moving backwards.

Now I want to share this revelation in a way that I pray moves you forward too. In this video, titled, Negative thoughts/evil forebodings, I explain;

• how this trio either works for or against you

• I go over the positive pattern and negative pattern model to help you learn to switch your thoughts around to work in your favor

• I give three practical and powerful tips to help you gain control of your thoughts

• And lastly, I share a powerful analogy to demonstrate how your thoughts can take you to a destination that is far from God’s original plan.

Friend, it’s time to get your mind right because you have places to go and important work to do. I believe this video will be the catalyst you need to start (or continue) moving in the right direction.

Until next time my friend,

Tiffany

The Danger of Doubt (Blog + Video)

Hey Friend,

 Have you ever heard some good news and thought to yourself, “This is too good to be true?”

As much as you want to believe, have you ever been afraid to get your hopes up (AGAIN)? The reason I ask is that I know personally how excruciating it can be to put your trust in something or someone after being let down time and time again.

As much as we know intellectually that we live in a fallen world full of flawed humans, we still long to put our faith into something that will not disappoint us.

Because we live in a fallen world with fallen people, disappointment is inevitable. Now friend, I am sure this isn’t news to you because like me, I am sure you have been let down by someone before. I don’t really need to elaborate on the fact that people are fickle and untrustworthy at times. So, I want to approach this differently.

As Christians, we are referred to as believers. We believe in God. We believe in Jesus and in His resurrection, but what I find to be ironic- is just how little we believe in the words of the God we serve when it comes to our own lives.

Because if we are honest, sometimes it feels as if God has disappointed us too, and when we begin to feel this way, it is easy for unbelief to seep in and contaminate our faith.

And no matter how much we try to normalize doubt, as a believer, without faith, it is impossible to please God.

Knowing this makes all the difference because if we do not please God, who are we pleasing when doubt becomes a constant companion?

Continuing our video series based on my book, Peace Stealers; today we are dealing with the peace stealer of unbelief and why it is dangerous for a believer to live with doubt.

In this short video, titled, “The danger of unbelief,” I explained why we cannot casually entertain doubt, and I offer practical steps to help you eliminate this peace stealer from your life to experience answered prayer and the stability available for you.

I pray it is a blessing to you.

Until next time my friend.

Tiffany

Help, I'm Insecure! (Blog +Video)

I have a confession to make, friend. Not too many years ago, I ran from my assignment. To give you a little background, in 2005, I graduated from pharmacy school and moved to Houston, Texas. I quickly started growing roots and became a member of a great local church at the recommendation of a friend.

I grew accustomed to quietly slipping into the pews Sunday after Sunday and jetting out of service as soon as the benediction was given before anyone could ever speak to me (I was hiding).

One Sunday, one of the young ladies at the church managed to catch up with me right before making a B-line for the door to ask me if I wanted to be part of a production the church was putting on. I am not sure if she knew, but I had spent the majority of my life performing and or training to perform. So, I agreed because it would give me a chance to do what I loved and it was time for me to stop running and meet new people. After several rehearsals, the day finally came, and the production went great.

I absolutely love dancing and performing.

Although I was this quiet, introverted, mysterious girl who tried to slip in the back pew at church unnoticed, I am a totally different person when I perform.

After the performance, I was asked to be over the dance team at church. And again, I agreed. The thing is, although I loved to dance, I hated choreographing—emphasis on HATED. But I said yes anyway, having no idea what I was getting myself into.

I began putting dances together (solo and group performances) and the anxiety that had already been a part of my life got even worse.

I tore myself apart, trying to put the perfect dance together. Perfectionism got the best of me as the mean girl inside my mind kept harassing me with thoughts such as, “these moves are so simple and elementary, why can’t you think of more complicated moves.”

What was supposed to be a gift I used as unto the Lord turned into something that was all about me, and my past coming back to haunt me.

When the time came for me to perform the dance, I was ready, but no one knew the turmoil and hell I went through to put the dance together.  On the performance day, I had already made up in my mind that this would be the last time I ever danced unless someone took over the headache of choreographing.

I remember I danced to Israel Houghton’s song called, Moving Forward. And after church, so many people came up to me and told me how they could feel the presence of God every time I danced and that they could not wait until the next time. I decided to try to stick it out and try again. I danced two more times and on the third time, Unfortunately, I ran from the assignment.

It was not until I was sitting down to write my story for my book, Peace Stealers, that I began to notice a pattern and I figured out why I was so hard on myself when it came to choreographing.

Friend, I know I have been telling my story, but I’m sure you have a story too. Have you ever been intimidated by an assignment or a calling that overwhelmed you? Have you ever felt inadequate and unworthy for a role you signed up for? Can you think of a time in the past where you ran, or are you presently running from something that God is calling you to do?

I want you to know that it’s time to stop running. It’s time for you to shut up your inner mean girl and get to the root of what is making you anxious and causing you to run. I mentioned that I noticed a pattern, and what I mean by that – is when I started my coaching business, I noticed those same feelings of inadequacy showing up again, but this time, I knew that if I was going to run, it would be on top of the enemy’s head (can I get a fist pump)!

So, here I am, 5 years later, still walking in my assignment and using my story to help others move forward. If you are dealing with feelings of inadequacy and insecurity and you are ready to move past them, I believe this video will help you to do just that.

I pray it is a blessing to you.

Before I let you go, I need you to know that you are chosen and equipped to fulfill your assignment on Earth.

You have work to do, and it starts with uprooting the peace stealer of feeling inadequate. This video will help you to do just that.

Until next time,

Tiffany

Are You In Alignment? (Blog + Video)

Hey Friend,

Phrases such as living on purpose and living a life of intention are buzz words we often use. But the truth is, it is much harder to live these words out loud. The majority of people are living a life of “have to” versus a life of “want to.” The reason is that it is not possible to live intentionally if you don’t know who you are, how God designed you, and what He designed you to do.

In other words, friend, it’s hard to live in alignment when you don’t know what you were created to do. Take a microphone, for example. If I have a microphone, but I am not aware of its purpose, I may begin to use it as a hammer instead. I may be able to use it as a hammer for a while, but eventually, the microphone will break under the pressure because it was not designed to undergo so much pressure. However, a hammer can withstand the pressure because that was its intended purpose – to deliver an impact, drive nails into wood, shape metal, or crush a rock.

Can you imagine the day the microphone discovers that it was not designed to hit things into a wall, but it was created to project sound and amplify voices? What a difference that would make, right?

The thing is, before the microphone discovered its true identity, it may have thought it was living life by design, but in reality, it was living life by default.

Friend, let me ask you… are you living your life in alignment with who God created you to be?

Are you living life by design, or are you living by default?

What I find is that just like that microphone, when you don’t know your purpose, it’s impossible to live by design. So we result to living by default instead; whether we realize it or not. Default living brings unnecessary pressure and resistance that results from being unsure of the very reason why you were created.

And when purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable.

If you are in a season where knowing your purpose and getting into alignment is important to you, then you are in the right place. Peace Stealers: 21 reasons why you’re anxious, why it matters, and what to do about it

As a purpose and alignment strategist, I help women to eliminate anxiety and other negative mental habits that result from not being in alignment with who you are and from not doing what you were created to do.

Being out of alignment is one of 21 peace stealers that I talk about in my book . The conversation around anxiety often leaves out these very practical peace stealers, and I felt compelled to bring awareness to some of the areas in your life that may be keeping you in a pattern of anxiety or depression.

 So, starting with the being out of alignment chapter of my book, Peace Stealers, I created a video (click this link) that I believe will help you to begin to walk this out practically so that you can begin to live life by design.

I pray it is a blessing to you.

P.S. Please Share this video with anyone you know who is struggling to find their purpose. Also, please like, subscribe, and comment if you find this video helpful! It would mean the world. 😊

Until next time my friend,

Tiffany

A Simple (yet effective) Formula for Success

Hi Friend,

Anyone that knows me would agree that I love to see people win. I remember one of my good friends saying, “Tiffany, if I sit here and fold this napkin, you are going to cheer me on and tell me I am the best napkin folder in the history of napkin folding, and I love that about you.” (giggle)

Although I love to see people win, I am adamant about there being a purpose behind what you’re working towards. In other words, I want to see you win at goals that are taking you somewhere.

If you are going to “fold napkins,” I hope there is careful planning and intention behind it. For instance, you may be an event planner who is very particular about even the smallest of details, and you are folding napkins to place at the guest tables to wow the guests. You aren’t folding napkins just for the sake of folding napkins. It fits into your plan to offer your client and their guests a special experience.

I’ve learned that success is not accidental; it is strategic and intentional. Many people want to be successful, but very few plan for that success.

I love the scripture found in Proverbs 21:5, which says, “Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity. But hasty shortcuts lead to poverty.”

I took this scripture to heart in January of 2020 because I got tired of spinning my wheels and doing busywork that was leading me nowhere.

So, I started the year at a Rock your Vision workshop, where I wrote out some general goals and a few breakthrough goals that had been spilling over every year that I never completed. In the middle of a pandemic, I achieved every breakthrough goal that I set for myself.

Friend, I am not sharing this to brag about myself (because although I soared in a few areas, I dropped the ball in other areas that had to take a back seat). The truth is although I achieved every breakthrough goal I set for myself, I didn’t achieve every goal I set.

I realize that the reason I hit those specific goals was that I had a P-L-A-N.

And I want you to start this year with a plan too, so I made it simple for you.

Here’s how to commit to your goal(s):

P- Prioritize your time based on your specific goal.

Based on my priority of completing my book, a lot of nights, the dishes were left in the sink, and the house wasn’t as clean as I would have liked it to be. But I had written my goals down, and I stuck with my goal.

L- Limit distractions.
I had to be clear on time wasters and energy-draining activities that stole my time but didn’t get me closer to my overall goal.

A- Accountability.

Accountability is a great way to stay on track. I had to ask a few people to stay on me and remind me to write and not accept any excuses I tried to give.

N- Be aware of what is a need and what is a want.

Sometimes out of fear, we will start thinking about all the things we (think) we need in order to achieve something. Or, we will not start because we feel we lack some important component that we must have before we begin.

I could have easily thought I needed to take a book writing class and prolonged the process even longer, but that would have been fear holding me back out from feeling inadequate. The truth is I didn’t need anything other than a laptop and Microsoft Word to start my book.

I hope this little acronym helps you to simplify your goals.

Do you know what you’re aiming for in 2021? (Leave a comment if you wanna share :))

No matter if it’s spending more focused quality time with your kids and/or spouse, or finding out what foods you may be allergic to, or finally losing the baby weight in order to fit into your pre-baby clothes.

No matter what your goal is, make sure you are intentional about planning to succeed.

I don’t want you out there folding napkins without being able to explain how it’s getting you closer to a specified goal. Don’t nobody got time for that. :)


To your PLANNED success,

Tiffany